Failed efforts

 As a kid I enjoyed gymnastics and dance. Playing house, building forts, playing Dolls, barbies, & tv shows Care-bears, Rainbow Bright, teenage mutant ninja turtles, Heathcliff, Garfield Muppet babies ghost-busters & She-rah The Princess of Power from He-man. Beginning as a teen I first was a baby sitter @12 then I started smoking on the roof with a friend from school stayed late after a track meet and messed around with boys at the school ditched one day and touched roaches for a first time tho I didn't smoke until later the next year, with my moms boyfriends niece..  I recently decided to refer to myself as Peaches, tho nobody really knows this unless they ride in my car or see my phone connected to the internet, basically my phone knows.. I started working again with someone I can't remember, maybe it was a lady in my complex, I went to help only a few times with dusting mopping and bathrooms.. it felt good.. I always knew I was domesticated and that I was a good caretaker for people animals and homes.  I was no longer watching after school tv shows like Saved By the Bell Moesha and Rugrats, or night time shows Family Matters In Living Color, Its a Different World, Living Single and Martin and I started spending to much time with my friends and strait got lost in the world.. I didn't see my mom or sisters again for almost a year that I remember and when I was 15 I moved back in bringing tons of problems home with me.  I had unknowingly given up on myself and was clueless to my poor choices, my mom I can't say ever knew any better herself to have taught me better.. If I would have just stayed and went with one of my sisters,.. I left many times again at 16 to Kansas and lastly at 17 when I went to Phoenix to try to be with them again but I couldn't stay and they ended up in California after My Tia took one sister until she went with her dad and the other with my mom only continued to live a hard life without us, until she went to her dads also, I hate myself thinking back to then.. after 22 years since I began my heavy walk into the trench of alcoholism.. I left Turney because of my dead end and fear of death impeding and here I am 5 years later and in another place just as deadly. No other place to call home!! Nowhere else I can afford and be welcomed. What more can I do for change this time,, for income, for support -where do I belong, where is the place to start over when all the damage is done